Wednesday, March 16

Why can't I find any sad songs??

I'm sad.

It's pretty rare that I'm sad, actually. Usually I feel other emotions, other than pure, unadulterated sadness. Actually, to be completely honest, I'm usually angry, not sad. I get irritated, irrational. In the past, when I've broken up with boyfriends I either look down apon them and are relieved we're over or I'm just. miserable. The shaking, heaving kind of crying. Usually I cry.

So today's experience is almost a new emotion for me. I'm somber, morose.

I believe it's the hope that God is in this too, that he is all powerful to work his will that keeps me from dispairing. Paired with the knowledge that we haven't experienced the final ax to our relationship.

The sadness isn't absent, though. I think of the last few weeks and really, I've enjoyed a person so much. I just know that if we part, it's best that we not continue even a friendship, because ...doing that usually results in confusion or false hope on one side or the other. That's what really saddens me. Makes my heart ache a little.

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