Sunday, April 1

Stop Apologizing

Yeah, I'm just going to stop constantly apologizing for letting this place sit with no updates.  Instead, here's a random sampling of what I've been doing and thinking about.

  • Yep, so hotflashes, they come and go. Sometimes I notice that it's a hotflash, sometimes I'm just "Wow, I'm really warm all of a sudden. Take this jacket off."  I have to be honest, I thought hotflashes would announce themselves a little more. Some kind of "here I come...get ready...AHHHHHHHH! HOTFLASH." Instead, I tend to do what I've seen my aunt and mom and other ladies do.  "Whoo-whee! I am WARM. What the heck?"
  • The end of the Lupron will come in April, so I have about a few weeks left. I've really, really enjoyed not having to deal with the everlasting question of "am I pregnant or not?" There's a part of me that just wishes we would know for sure that we won't ever get pregnant, because a) I could respond to everyone that says, "oh, you never know," with "Well, yes, I do. And so does my Fertility Specialist." And b) not deal with the roller-coaster of hope and then hopes dashed.

  • I'm definitely getting the "are you guys going to adopt?" question more frequently.  Please, friends, don't ask anyone who is struggling with infertility this question. It really really doesn't help anyone. If they are, they are, and they'll tell you all about it. If not, it just makes them  - ok, me - defensive.  The poor person who asked got a bit of a treatise on how adopting doesn't quell grief.

  • Went home for the funeral for my granddad (see previous post). Going home was good, but for the first time, I returned to where I am now without the deep sense of ambivalence that I have always experienced. Ever since I can remember, flying away from Billings made me sad and I usually cried as I would leave. This time, I didn't feel joy at leaving, but I was just ready to get back to my life. I think "Leaving and Cleaving" is a more of a process and not an event than I initially believed. But my family is a big part of my life and I love them. It makes sense that I wouldn't be able to just drop them and -  BOOM - cleave to Adam like they never existed.

  • Adam and his co-workers chose the Resident assistants for next year. So, part of the reason I headed home without him was that he was putting in 18 hour days, interviewing 19-year-olds to be head of their hall next year...and THEN doing his normal job tasks in the evening hours. The RAs are a big part of our lives. We see them daily, and are usually having them over for dinners or hanging out. So, picking a new team was a big deal for him.

  • A while ago, I bought a little gadget called a Fitbit, a pedometer that tracks every move I make. I finally got it working properly  - my fault, really. The Fitbit online support was fantastic and fixed my problem immediately.  Apparently, I "walk" so briskly, the little bit thinks I'm running. RUNNING!  It is currently challenging me to burn more than 1049 calories a day by moving (that includes walking to the car, or to the laundry, etc) per day. So far I've surpassed those numbers, usually putting in an average of 7.2 miles a day...about 50 miles a week. (Most everyone walks about 2 miles in a day, just going from place to place.) Tryin to keep this up - Of course, the other side of that coin is to stop filling my face constantly. I've never been much of a sweet tooth, preferring popcorn and chips to sweets. Well no more! Chocolate Cake, you are now my #1 frenemy! 
That's it from the Mountain. More to come...hopefully sooner than later! 

With octaves of a mystic depth and height