As I re-read the last two posts, it makes sense that people would respond with empathy and concern. And, this post isn't going to, nor is it intended to "undo" the expression of emotion that I've posted before.
However, the last two days have not been full of weeping and gnashing of teeth. I have been thinking on something my husband said, which I believe is true, and also has the risk of pissing off some parents.
Children do not give meaning and value to a life.
Ok, so that statement? That was exactly what I needed to hear after the day of crying, returning from the doctor's office.
It may seem unusually harsh and broad, but I think that if one slows down and thinks about it, there will be fewer howls of indignation from the happily married with children set.
Certainly children bring meaning. They are valuable (if they were not, my desire to be a mom would be silly and likely even crazy.) However, having children does not make my life meaningful and valued. My life is already meaningful and valued, based on the value that Christ has endowed upon it, as a fellow heir.... etc, etc. You can fill in the rest.
Valuable, Same as infertile couples, same as single believers. (Or, shall we relegate single believers into a subcategory of "less than" because they are not married? [Unfortunately many Christians do act as though singles and non-childrened families are lesser than. Another post for another day.])
Secondly, as he assured me, our lives will be good lives, because we are already a family. A family of 2. The numbers are of no consequence, we became a family when we married.
Finally, I'm still anxious regarding the next 3 months and fear that all of the side effects of Lupron will come raining down on me. However, as my mom encouraged me, exercise will be one of the best management tools I can utilize. So that's my plan. get my butt out of bed and exercise even when I don't want to. I have a little hope it won't be as terrible as I am wont to believe.
3 comments:
Agreed and not pissed at all. Having Blake did not give my life meaning (his existence, however, kept me alive when I needed a reason for such things). While he is one of the best things ever, and I'm wild about him, if I pin all my everything on him and how much meaning he gives me, I'm a shallow echo of the woman God's designed me to be.
I'm a mother, sure. But I'm a helluva lot more than that too, and that matters. You're a helluva a lot too, miss H.
I've been thinking about your post here since I read it last night. I agree with you and Addie - even those of us with kids shouldn't believe that it is they who give us meaning and value, just like we had to learn when we were single that having a husband was not what gave us meaning and value. If we believe that we not only become, as Addie said, "shallow echoes" of the women God has designed us to be, we also are placing on our kids (or future kids in your case, because I am believing that for you) a weight that they were not designed to carry.
So go ahead and proclaim that to all the parents you know because we need to hear it.
Well said to both of you: first, the "shallow echoes" is brilliant, and secondly the "weight they are not designed to carry" is phenomenal.
It occurred to me, Molly, that putting the emotional weight like that on a growing child/adolescent/adult child is exactly the path to a neurotic, narcissistic, insecure, (etc, etc) child in need to significant counseling.
I would also (and I believe you would too) define it as making the child(ren) to be the idol replacing God in the parent's life.
Thanks for your comments - such sweet encouragement in the morning!
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