As I re-read the last two posts, it makes sense that people would respond with empathy and concern. And, this post isn't going to, nor is it intended to "undo" the expression of emotion that I've posted before.
However, the last two days have not been full of weeping and gnashing of teeth. I have been thinking on something my husband said, which I believe is true, and also has the risk of pissing off some parents.
Children do not give meaning and value to a life.
Ok, so that statement? That was exactly what I needed to hear after the day of crying, returning from the doctor's office.
It may seem unusually harsh and broad, but I think that if one slows down and thinks about it, there will be fewer howls of indignation from the happily married with children set.
Certainly children bring meaning. They are valuable (if they were not, my desire to be a mom would be silly and likely even crazy.) However, having children does not make my life meaningful and valued. My life is already meaningful and valued, based on the value that Christ has endowed upon it, as a fellow heir.... etc, etc. You can fill in the rest.
Valuable, Same as infertile couples, same as single believers. (Or, shall we relegate single believers into a subcategory of "less than" because they are not married? [Unfortunately many Christians do act as though singles and non-childrened families are lesser than. Another post for another day.])
Secondly, as he assured me, our lives will be good lives, because we are already a family. A family of 2. The numbers are of no consequence, we became a family when we married.
Finally, I'm still anxious regarding the next 3 months and fear that all of the side effects of Lupron will come raining down on me. However, as my mom encouraged me, exercise will be one of the best management tools I can utilize. So that's my plan. get my butt out of bed and exercise even when I don't want to. I have a little hope it won't be as terrible as I am wont to believe.