Well, Adam and I had planned life to look a certain way. And God is creative and like surprises. I think that because God knows all things, he must live a little vicariously through his creatures and decides to surprise us.
I don't really like surprises, and never have. Adam and I agreed when we were first married to never plan surprise birthday parties for one another.
This surprise was not fun or exciting nor do I think of it as a postive thing right now.
Last week, Eric Youngblood at Rock Creek Fellowship quoted or said, "If you're not suffering now, you will be soon." I thought of our life, and how things had been so good, and in that moment I thought, "Well, I'm not suffering now, and I don't see any obvious suffering in the future."
Suffering for me comes in the form of disappointing news regarding a job. It comes as I'm pretty much alone in a new place with only acquaintances - though they are lovely and nice. I miss my support system in St. Louis. I miss my family.
So I'm now looking for a job. I'm looking for a place to be, a role to have, a way to contribute to the community as a whole. And it's hard when you presume to know these things - who you are, where you belong, what your role is - and it changes or does not come to pass.
So I look at God and say, "So now what?"
5 comments:
Some of the things about our circumstances are very different. Some of them are the same. And I wish I could do something for you with being so far away.
I've never thought about what I'm going through as suffering. Instead I've been trying to convince myself and others that everything is actually great. I do really enjoy the mornings I have gardening and I enjoy the way things are quiet. But there are other things that are really hard, there are times of suffering.
So the only thing left I know how to do is pray, for myself and for you.
I'm sorry to hear about your disappointment, Hannah. I'll be praying that a perfect opportunity comes along!
Saying heaps of prayers for you.
Even though you are disappointed, I must confess: you were OVERQUALIFIED for that job, and that was my first thought about it when chatting with you. I'm confident that God has something even better, something that will stretch and challenge you in good ways. Something that will meet your financial needs. Something that will help you to better define yourself, even when what you do doesn't define you.
Love you. Aim high!
Thank you, friends, for your comments - they have been exactly what I need!
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