Wednesday, July 27

Today's the First Day

Transition, Adjustment, Lethargy, mild Depression. They're all kind of the same thing. 

And this low level, mild, depression is a difficult thing to get your mind around. It's like "I could eat." It's not that you're really hungry, and there may not be anything to remedy, but it's there.

It's the feeling - a sense - that things aren't right, but that there's nothing really to do differently.

This is funny and, from a therapy standpoint, mostly true:

Addie told me in a comment that my purpose (for The Right Now) was to be happy. And I took that to heart. I asked myself, "Why am I not happy? I'm doing whatever it is I want to do, whenever I want to do it."  This, I have found, does not lead to happiness or contentment.

I was encouraged last night to get a schedule and to stick (mostly) to it. Make sure my hubs sees that there is productivity in this time that I don't have a Go-To-Work job. I DID create a schedule about two weeks ago....but sticking to it? Not so much.

Which brings us to my contimplation as to why I haven't been productive so far. And in my heart, I realize, it's this lethargic-depressive-unmotivated seed that has taken hold and surrounded my mind. It tells me that one more hit on Etsy will make me happy. That one more documentary on Elisabeth I will bring me contentment. To push off the dishes will keep me from discontentment.

But all of these things come, anyway.

So today is The First Day. It's already feels more like the old days than before: I'm up first. (in the 3 years of marriage, I've almost nearly always been up well before hubby.)

Today, Electronic Blogging World, I will:
Shirk and Slack
Go to the Farmers Market. Buy fresh Veg. Team them with brown rice.
Go for a run!
Finish 5+ notes for Licensure.
Do all the dishes
Get a Load of Laundry finished.

I will not:

Get sucked into all the mommy blogs about organization (holy cow...! Have you seen this black hole...?)
Spend an hour on Etsy
Blog all my day away. (Sorry. I do love you Blogworld.)


Laura Ward said...

So now that we've hung out, I feel like it isn't cyber-stalking to read your blog. I wanted to affirm you for taking action even though you don't feel like it. As I know you know (but we all need to be reminded of it, right?) - the emotion will follow, eventually. Also, it won't always be like this. It sucks while you're in it, but it doesn't last forever. So keep on with the little things and trust that, with time, they'll get better. And if you ever need a coffee date to vent about the horribleness of it all, give me a call! :)

Addie said...

I should have said, "Find purpose and be happy." I'm usually not happy when I can do whatever I want, either.

So... it's been three days. How's it going?

I find to do lists and goals incredibly helpful. Because every time I cross something off, I win! Throwing the whole list away because it's all crossed off? SUPER WIN! Of course, I just start another one, but still. Much love to you - you can do it, whatever "it" turns out to be!

Missy said...

Not to undermine your schedule or anything, but I'm pretty sure that coming to St. Louis and having breakfast with me will make you happy. Or lunch. Or dinner. Or margaritas. Or coffee. OR all five. YES. ALL FIVE.

Done? Done. See you soon!

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