The Wonder of *Not* Being Blown Off the Earth

For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace. (Romans 6:14) 
Sin will reign if it can: it cannot be satisfied with any place below the throne of the heart. We sometimes fear that it will conquer us, and then we cry unto the Lord, "Let not any iniquity have dominion over me. This is His comforting answer: "Sin shall not have dominion over you. " It may assail you and even wound you, but it shall never establish sovereignty over you.
Charles Spurgeon

Sometimes God chooses to speak to us through pain. He either causes or allows things in our lives that are leading us to something. To Him. To more of Him. To wholeness. To relational restoration. To character development. He leads us into the dark so we can learn to follow His voice, to grow our faith, to strengthen us from the inside out. Pain can focus our attention in a way nothing else can.
Deanna Davis

During the past year, I have not thought much about Sin. I've pondered often brokenness, healing, pain, growth. But there are seasons of my life in which I just cannot identify sin in my life.

I'm speaking really about the big sins - the ones that are hard to see, that keep me from God. Those sins. Sometimes, people, it's hard to see the big sins.

Maybe because they aren't there.

Or maybe they are buried so deep that God has to get the big guns out to eradicate them. Maybe he sends a season of pain - of infertility - to root out the sins that are so big, so deep that I can't see them.

I've been a bit circumspect about the interactions I've had with God during the past 4 months. Yes, I've shared with many that I've had arguments with, angry outbursts at, and tried to manipulate God. But to very few have I shared the choice words that I chose for him.

The words that Satan gave me.

I have stood with The Accuser and accused. You are not good. Don't even lie to me and tell me this will be good for me. This is NOT good. and YOU are not good.

My friends, they were even more choice than that. Straight from this sailor girl's mouth.

And yet I was not blown off the earth. (So much grace!)

God surfaced my Sin - my sin to stand with The Accuser and Accuse wrongly. To readily repeat a lie after the Father of Lies. And to believe those lies. And to despair.

And instead of immediately blowing me off of the earth, The Lord paused to help me identify the Sin that sits on the throne of my heart:  That when things do not turn out the way I want, I immediately betray God. It's my first and last inclination. It is who I am, on my own. When the pressure is on, betrayal and unbelief and accusation come out.

Oh! But for the Grace of Jesus becaming my sin (2 Cor 5:21). Just as I am a betrayer, an accuser, Jesus became my betrayal and put it to death.

And that he promises that Sin will not have me. That it may wound me, that it will assail me.

But never have sovereignty over me.

Praise the Lord.