A Million Times

Listen to this StoryCorps.

I began my drive to work late today. I'm late most days, which is not something I'm proud of. On Fridays, StoryCorps airs at 8:30, and I love the glimpse into other people's lives.

And as I made my way down the mountain, I listened to the deep, scratchy grief in this man's voice and how even now, so many years later, the grief crashes over him and he soldiers on. And tears welled up in my eyes.

I found the story online, and listened to it again. And I'm undone at the emotion in last three sentences of their story:

"When I said, 'Honey, if you'd have known when we had Denny that we would have him just short of 19 years, would you go back and do it all over again?' You remember what you said, don't you?"
"Of course I would," she answers. "All over again."
"Yeah, a million times."

A Million Times.

His quiet affirmation resounds with the sound of Faith Through Pain, 21 years later. And I know what he means. I would never wish to go through any more suffering in my life, but what I have suffered, it has forged who I am. In a way I could not and would not have been.

And I'd do it again. Because through this suffering, I have friends that email me to express their love to me in ways I would have never known. I have friends who spill their hearts to me, because they trust me with their hurt. I love and appreciate my husband in ways I could have never otherwise experienced. And I have wrestled with God and realized I will not let him go. Yes, I would do it again.

A Million Times. With tears.