Letter to Tech Support

Andrea posted a really funny email, which reminded me of one sent yesterday from an office friend. Some of you have already seen it, 'cause I forwarded it on. For those who haven't, and especially for those guys thinking of marriage....

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....

_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING. It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3 .3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

Meme

I AM: The quintessential oldest child

I WANT: what I want without waiting for God's timing. Then I get frustrated (my own fault).

I WISH: I knew what he had in store for me

I HOPE: that I'll always be really close to my brother and sister

I MISS: My friends from College and Minnesota, and especially Marsha now that she's PREGGERS!

I HEAR: the pumped-in music in stores and restaurants and recognize the song when no one else can.

I WONDER: what God will have me do with my masters degree.

I REGRET: that my sin hurts others, and I've done great damage to relationships because of my selfishness and pride.

I HATE: raw onions

I AM NOT: a quiet, shy girl

I DANCE: when I'm out with my friends, and sometimes when I'm all alone.

I SING: all the time, mostly in my car.

I CRY: at movies. I also cry when Christ convicts me of my sin and reminds me of his atonement. I cry a lot!

I AM NOT ALWAYS: thoughtful of others when I speak.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: a really "good" cup of coffee. (LOTS OF CREAMER)

I WRITE: posts for my blog all the time. They are usually too cynical so I don't post them.

I CONFUSE: My brother-in-law and brother often with my random thoughts.

I NEED: to be reminded that God's love is sufficient for me.

I SHOULD: be a better listener

I START: a lot of books and

I FINISH: fewer of them than I'd like. That doesn't stop me from buying them!

I tag Melodee, Molly, Amanda & Andrea

Variations on a Theme

Once upon a nine-thirty dreary, while Hannah and Molly watched United Ninety-Threary

A sad and serious drama of 9/11 lore.

While puppies nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of someone gently scratching, scratching at the fireplace door.

Tis some little mouse I muttered, scratching at the fireplace door,

Only this and nothing more.

Ah distinctly I remember, there might have been a dying ember

In that fireplace's chamber, had it been a colder evening of 6 October.

Then Scrappy perked her ears alertly, as scratching sounded more overtly,

And we approached the stove covertly - wondering what it had in store

Tis true that Friday nights in Billings can often be a bore

But this one isn't, nevermore.

"Tis not a mouse, might be a kitty, or a bunny slightly gritty

They're catlike eyes upon its brow,"

As we with flashlight inward peering, dimly discerning what we were hearing

Suddenly leapt back in stunned surprise, "Holy *&%$, it's an owl!"

"Let's call Bill Murray (phone is busy); Who'll help us? Lewis Vowell?"

"Is it to late to call right now?"

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
Called this deacon, "Truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is there's a scratching, and we're sure it's an owl rapping,
And not so faintly is it tapping, tapping at my fireplace door,
That we're scarce sure what we should do - scared to open wide the door; -
A little birdy, nothing more."

Into their car leapt Karen and Lew, and to JB Stetson flew,

While we prepared with gloves and blankets, for the show with much ado.

Not the least concern he showed; firmly toward the bird he strode;

With gloves adorned and towel in hand, opened wide the fireplace door.
That bird had hidden its little body, somewhere beyond the fireplace door.
Perched, and hidden, nothing more.

Then the owl-let, greatly flitting, no longer quietly sitting,

Felt itself be captured into hands that nabbed that wee raptor.

Then triumphantly he brought it, showed the women how he caught it,

And carefully he brought it out the sliding glassy door,

Released it in from its ashy-prison, to the night sky was restored

To be a captive - nevermore!

(See also BrittleCrazyGlass for additional photos)

Quote

"Life is a long lesson in Humility."
James M. Barrie

It's raining... and other random thoughts

I love rain. Montana doesn't get a lot of it, and so I've started to love rainy days even more. Today I woke up, wandered upstairs to shower and realized that it was raining. Little drops and ripples on the pool cover. It has since stopped, but the overcast, not-that-chilly-but-definintely-Autumn day begs me to stay home. Preferably with a crazy dogs, a cup of coffee, in a comfy sweatshirt, watching a few re-runs of "Project Runway."

I went to work instead. But today has been really great because I've gotten numerous emails from the people I spent time with, when I was in MN last week.

My favorite emails have been from the hotel staff of the hotel we stayed at. The Concierge in particular has a great sense of humor -He lived in Germany for 16 years, and his accent even comes across in the email through his choice of words. The hotel event staff became my friends in only a few days.

Sometimes its hard to know that there are such cool people out there, and that running into them will be few and far between.

And finally, randomly jumping from one thought to another: Over the last 6 weeks, I've been working on organizing my work life. I'm Reading a book, putting into practice various things. One of his rules is "Make your filing system easy. And use Labels. With a Label Maker. and DON'T SKIMP. Make the Labels." So, I bought a label maker -- for 1/2 off!! Gotta love it.

Book Meme

I've been Tagged by Melodee!

One book that changed my life:
War of Words, by Paul Tripp - it is changing my life -- my pastor is leading me through it as a discipleship study.

One book I've read more than once:
Well, this is unfair! I've read MOST of the fiction books I own more than once -- and some of my non-fiction, as well.

One book I'd want on a desert island:
I'm going to agree with Melodie and say the Lord of the Rings trilogy, aside from the Bible. I just hope that she and I can land on the same desert island so that we can learn elvish together!

One book that made me laugh:
The Devil Wears Prada

One book that made me cry:
Anne of Windy Poplars - It was the most unexpected time I cried. I've been known to cry at more than one book...


One book I wish had been written:
The autobiography of Abraham Lincoln. His spirituality and his battling depression are both fascinating to me.

One book I wish had never been written:
The "Sequel" to Gone with the Wind. I've never read it, but I suppose it has to be one of the worst books ever written.

One book that I am currently reading:
Getting Things Done.

One book I've been meaning to read:
Anna Karenina - for the last 10 years.

"I'm a real boy!"

The other day, the speaker on Pilgrim radio mentioned that Jack Handey was a real person. Here I was, going all this time thinking that he wasn't real, but no, in fact he exists.

In honor of finding out that Jack Handey isn't just a conglomeration of 7 SNL writers, today I'll post one of his Deep Thoughts, By Jack Handey

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

(ok, and this one too)

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

Why is it that it is busy everywhere?

I thought I ought to post to my blog. I am busy with the mudane things of life. There isn't really a lot to tell except that I spend amazing amounts of time on the phone, helping people register for the National Conference. Then I go to My Other Job and we're finishing up our biggest annual sale.

I'll leave you with a quote from "War of Words," which I am studying.

"We do not respond to the facts of life, we respond based on our interpretation of those facts. "

Summertime and Grandpa

When I was a 3 or 4, my grandpa sat me down at their little kitchen table (very 70s/80s decor). He cut a fresh, garden-grown tomato in quarters and sprinkled a little salt on it.

"Try it."

I didn't want to at first. I don't know why I thought (at that young age) that it wouldn't taste good. He must have chuckled when I first tried it, and then gobbled the rest of it down. If I remember correctly, I think I even asked for more.

Well, this year, Grandpa has a bumper crop of 'em, and Mom has some really sweet tasting tomatoes from her garden, too.

And I've been eating them fresh, straight from the garden. I think it will always remind me of my Grandpa, and I know I'll always plant tomatoes, so I can have them fresh with just a little salt on 'em.

And then you wonder, "Why have a blog?"

Well, I wrote my response to the article on Greg Boyd. It's a fine response. I don't think I would change much about it. Not a terribly amazing response, by any stretch of the imagination.

But Greg Gilbert has been guest blogging for Justin Taylor. I'm familiar with Taylor and his blog, and frankly, Greg does a much better, quick and concise overview as to why Boyd is wrong. Much better than mine. So, go over there and read it. it will take you 3.5 seconds.

Quote - What do I love?

I was once talking with a lady that who had been married for many years. She was married to a person who, very honestly I would have to say was a bad man. He regularly said and did hurtful things. She meanwhile had dreamed of the ultimate husband and had gotten so embittered by the blessing of other women in her church that she said she could no longer go to worship. She felt as if God had forsaken her, so much that she couldn't read her Bible or pray.

I wanted her to understand her identity in Christ and the love of the Lord. I wanted her to understand that God is a refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble, so I quoted a few passages to her that spoke of God's amazing love, when, in the middle of a verse, she said, "Stop!" I looked up at her angry face. She said, "Don't tell me any more that God loves me. I want a husband who loves me!” And she pounded her fist on the chair as she spoke.

I learned something that day. To the degree that you have based your life on something other than the Lord, to that degree God’s love and the hope of the gospel will not comfort you.

Paul Tripp - War of Words, pg 98

Greg Boyd, Conservatives and the NYT

MOB sent me and iTones a New York Times article on Greg Boyd and a new 'controversy' that Boyd is presently engaged in.

Here is my response (please let me know if the link doesn't work to the NYT. I'll post the entire article if that is the case).

______

Dear C and T,

Dr. Boyd is right in many areas,

"When you put your trust in the sword, you lose the cross"
"Greg is an anomaly in the megachurch ....His biggest fear is that people will think that all church is is a weekend carnival, with people liking the worship, the music, his speaking, and that’s it."
"He said there were Christians on both the left and the right who had turned politics and patriotism into “idolatry.”

I think those are good points. It's very important not to confuse being conservative politically with being a Christian.

However, he seems to want to go one step further and divide Christian living from speaking out and acting on current issues. Dr. Boyd almost comes off as a pacifist or as one that thinks all ways to live are equal. Being disappointed that Christians have responded badly in areas of politics is legitimate. Swinging the pendulum to the area of "Separate beliefs from application to life/culture/politics" is not.

And this comment is completely without biblical support: "I don’t think there’s a particular angle we have on society that others lack."

Wrong, Dr. Boyd. We have the one truth. Saying that others have a relevant truth that is as legit as God's truth does not agree with the Bible - at all. It's certainly striving to "be nice", but there's not one place in the Bible that says, "yeah, other beliefs/opinions have a good way, too. You might try them out." Scripture's unrelenting stance on its being the only way is what makes the Bible offensive to secular Americans, generally.

That said, Grace and charitable judgments toward others are supremely important virtues in this debate and weren't mentioned - not even once. But, of course, Grace is always missing from the New York Times. I'd expect nothing less.

I think that the ultimate message of "Keep the Gospel the Central, the Most Important Thing in All of Life and Application" was lost as well. I'm going to guess that he meant to say that, but the article comes off as saying "Conservatives, keep you head down and don't piss off anyone that might lean toward blue collar liberalism, because what do you know anyway?"

A book that is far better on our Christian life and Christ is a book by CJ Mahaney - "The Cross Centered Life." Its about 100 pages long. A good read.

I will try to listen to Boyd's sermons to see if his message was a little more nuanced than the NY Times has reflected.

lv, Ains


**Edited to take out "Conservativism/Conservatism" (or whatever that word is) from the title. Frankly, if you can't spell it, Ains, don't use it. :D

Mel's beliefs, my lies

Brian at the Banty Rooster asks "Is Mel Done in Hollywood?"

Within it, he makes a lot of good points. I thought about posting the following on his blog comments but realized its long enough that I probably shouldn't take his space there.

Brian says "Actually, alcohol doesn't make you lie; it reduces your inhibitions so that you actually end up saying what you really do think, but were afraid to say." I don't take issue with Brian's point; I just empathize a lot with Gibson.

Presently I've been struggling with a lie that I've been believing. Oh, Satan has a good hold on me with this lie. It pops up in a myriad of differently shaped fruit. I believe it, I keep it, I stroke this lie/idol like Frodo does the Ring. I battle others with it.

I've told my mom, my sister, BLB and GPB this lie. I've punched them in the gut with it.

Do I believe this lie? Yes. As a functioning atheist, I "believe" this lie is the best way for me to interpret the world.

Do I believe this lie? In a spiritually 'sober' state, no. I don't. I know for a fact that it is not true (hey! The definition of a lie!) and that I'm spewing filth from my heart.

And so, it's that part of me that can appreciate Mel's saying "I acted like a person completely out of control .... and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable." Do I think Gibson is that nuanced in his knowledge of heart issues? Mmmm, maybe not. But maybe he is. Why assume that he doesn't have a wise spiritual mentor in his life?

I think the thing that makes me smile is that God doesn't let us go when we sin. He finds us. How many alcohol/drug-hazed celebrities drive and don't get caught? Gibson's fallen, and he was caught - Isn't God good to prevent him from falling further?

I take joy in knowing that I too am caught in my sin (believing the lie), and from my sin.

Review of "Alfie"

I watched “Alfie” last night. “Oh, the show about the alien?” the very nice girl at the video place asked me, when I was trying to find it. “No…the one with Jude Law.”

I grew up on “ALF,” the TV show, and frankly, it would have probably been a better use of my time.

Alfie was, in a word, disappointing. It was really close to being an ok movie (although it had way too much sex – it’s rated R) but decided it wanted to be a contemplative movie instead of romantic. To be fair, the ending is much more true to life (he doesn’t end up with any of the woman he’s dating/doing, but finds that he’s unhappy). I suppose that’s the same in the original “Alfie,” with Michael Caine. Haven’t seen that one, not sure if I will.

I thought he’d end up with Julie, Marisa Tomei’s character, but I was wrong. Thought he’d end up with the girl he gets preggers. Nope. The beautiful, depressed girl that’s in need of help? Well, we all saw that break up comin’.

So the positives for watching Alfie? Not a whole lot. It’s a somewhat interesting character study; except it’s very easy to see why he’s in the life he’s in. He even ‘figures’ it out at the end, kind of.

Why is he unhappy? He’s selfish and he chooses sin. Would he or others call it that? No, but his actions are always blatantly manipulative, self-centered, and God-ignoring. He has no idea how to be kind to others, and he doesn’t think about the ramifications of his actions.

Sin never leads to a place of happiness. It always ends in hardship, depression, anger or sadness. Sin is only redeemed by God, when we’re repentant (as I learn daily.)

So, Alfie, back to the Video Store early for you. I’ll get my $1 credit, and look forward to the movie I originally went in to rent: “She’s the Man.”

;)

Quote on Thursday

Do you wish people to think well of you? Don't speak well of yourself.
Blaise Pascal

(Frankly, I posted it because it's a good reminder to myself)

The Devil and Da Vinci

Now that I've finished my class (thanks to all of you who have prayed and asked about it - I did well on my last test, and the final grade hasn't been released yet), I've been reading a bit of fiction.

First, I picked up the DaVinci Code. The beginning of it, I wasn't that surprised at (you saw all the shots in the movie ads) the middle was good, and actually intriguing. The End, well. hmmm. See, the problem- as I see it - for Brown was that he needed to 'end' it, but he obviously couldn't write a book that overthrew the Catholic Church (or the evangelical church, though he didn't really ever talk about the evangelical church.) Doing so would border on fantasy, and his entire diatribe sections of the book ("Jesus and Mary Magdalene were lovers, and Peter the apostle was jealous, and the Catholic Church organized the best smear campaign EVER") would have had to been disregarded in the real world. Something Dan Brown doesn't want, because he's professed that he believes that those ideas are actually facts and should be believed.

So, he pulled the story lines together and put a personal feel to it. The ending deserves a "duuuhhh. Knew that was going to happen." Really, his foreshadowing wasn't very nuanced. But all in all, it was an ok read, except for the parts where I had to put the book down I was so mad at what he was saying about Jesus. But outside of that...

Oh, and you can read the last 3 chapters by skimming the first sentence of every paragraph and completely understand the entire conclusion.

Now I'm reading "The Devil wears Prada." I saw the movie clips one night and thought, "Now there's a movie I'd like to see Meryl Streep in." So when we were in Barnes and Noble we picked it up for 20% off. Lots of "New York" swearing, but overall a really fun read. The author, Lauren Weisberger, is a pretty decent author. The book is a narrative of the personal assistant to the most important woman in fashion publishing - the Devil, Miranda Priestly. Andrea, the main character, is actually an English/writing graduate and wants to work for New Yorker Magazine. To get where she wants, she takes a job as the personal assistant to 'Miranda' and endures - with much sarcasm and rolling of the eyes - the world of fashion and Miranda's unreasonable, endless demands.

And really, Weisberger does a magnificent job of having the reader feel the same feelings of bewilderment and dread Andrea feels every time she encounters the devil.

I'm only in the middle of it, but it's a good romp, if you're not offended by swearing and the frequent gay characters (she's working in the fashion industry, "after all." The homosexual agenda is missing, though, and the gay characters are primarily for humor). I'm looking forward (kind of) to seeing the movie. Looking forward to it, except they can't possibly make it as good as the book, but they definitely cast Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep perfectly, so maybe they won't butcher the entire story.

They've Seen

This man


























This man





























This man























This one























And this lady....













Life is good for GPB and BLB. We're recording it.

Tuesdsay Quote (on Wednesday, almost Thursday)

I was reminded today of what a great wealth of quotes The West Wing was. So we'll be seeing a lot more quotes from that (thankfully-now-off-the-air-as-it-was-never-as-good-without-Emily-Procter-and-Rob-Lowe) series.

Sam: I need your help.
Ainsley: Really?
Sam: Let's not make a big deal out of it.
Ainsley: No, it's sweet that you need my help.
Sam: I don't need your help. I'm asking for your help, so let's not make a federal....
Ainsley: (pretending to talk on her cell phone) Dad, it's me. Sam's asking for my help.
Sam: Put the phone down.
Ainsley: Gotta go, dad. I need to help Sam.
Sam: You must've had them rolling in the aisles back in Georgia.
Ainsley: I'm from North Carolina.
Sam: Wherever it was that you studied baton twirling.
Ainsley: That'd be Harvard Law School.

And everyone has one, except for me...

Ipods more popular than beer

Sometimes all you need is a little time

yep, it's been a month of not blogging. I decided at about day 20 that I'd just make it a full month.

So, lots of things happened- I got a new boss (switched departments) and LSG returned from school to transfer to the local university (and get married). I've been house/dog-sitting for 3 of the last 4 weeks for two different people (six dogs total), and my final in "God and His Word" has to be taken by next Tuesday.

The actual reason I'm returning to blogging is that I received a whole box of coffee from Boca Java, and I'll be reviewing it. So far we've tried Bloggers Pajama Passion (AnyaP gives it a thumbs up) and finished Bloggers Boot Up Blend. I might even spread it around and see what others think. I don't drink coffee black, though I drink my fair share of it. Anyway, look for the review this week.